


Deliver Me

by kmoaton



Category: Eureka
Genre: Angst, Community: hc_bingo, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Phobias, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2013-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-21 14:02:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/901125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kmoaton/pseuds/kmoaton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nathan refused to let anyone get close to him.  After a terrible breakup, he realizes that he needs help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deliver Me

**Author's Note:**

> OOC-ness, angst, past emotional abuse, mention of m/m sexual relationship  
> A/N: The phobia discussed in this story is Attachment Avoidance. More details will be in the notes at the end.  
> Written for H/C Bingo - Prompt used - Phobias

Over the years, Nathan had become adept at keeping his personal secrets. Growing up, no one knew about his drunken father who berated his quiet but brilliant son. Nathan hid the turmoil at home by being the best and the brightest. It wasn’t until he was a teenager did he realize he was attracted to men and women. He buried another secret, hiding behind his genius and developing his arrogance. By the time he graduated from college, Nathan had perfected the keeping of secrets. No one was able to get close enough to find out his darkest one. 

Allison was the first person to discover how Nathan’s home life had been for him growing up. It was a chance meeting after they married. They were vacationing in Miami when they ran into Nathan’s father and latest stepmother in the lobby of their hotel. Nathan was cordial but cold, perplexing Allison. She was struck by how much Nathan resembled his father and it was obvious, at least to her, his father was trying to be cordial. Allison was stunned when Nathan turned down a dinner invitation and ignoring the hurt look on the older Stark’s face, gently but quickly lead Allison away, brusquely bidding his father good bye. 

Allison waited until they were back in their room before confronting him. Nathan sighed and finally told her about growing up with his father. 

“My father was a drunk. He blamed me for my mother’s death. I stayed with him until I was 15 and I went to live with my uncle and his son. It was marginally better but he was my father’s brother and the apple didn’t fall to far from the tree. My cousin, Tony, the brunt of it but I got my fair share too. When I went to college, I cut ties with all of them. 

Allison tried to reason with him. “Maybe he’s changed.”

Caught in Nathan’s cold gaze, Allison couldn’t stop the shiver that ran down her spine. “Maybe he has but hell hasn’t frozen over so I suppose I’ll never know.”

 

ooOOoo

As time passed, Allison realized there would be some parts of Nathan she would never be privy. She knew his mother died but not what happened. Beyond that first explanation, he never discussed his father or extended family again. Nathan refused to have kids, saying that they both needed to establish their career and Kevin was more than enough. She didn’t disagree but she wanted to have another child, HIS child. Nathan focused on his career and while he loved her, Allison wanted more. Soon, cracks began to appear and when she finally wanted out, Nathan didn’t fight it, he just walked away. 

ooOOoo

When Nathan first arrived in Eureka, he knew to expect Allison but sheriff was a total surprise. He was a typical California guy: blond, blue eyes, lean and muscular. Nathan expected an idiot but his street smarts made up for what he lacked in book intelligence. He was instantly smitten but he saw that the sheriff only had eyes for Allison. An evil grin appeared on his face as he devised a plan to   
change that. 

ooOOoo

Jack was well aware of Nathan and Allison’s past relationship. He and Allison had become great friends and she shared the issues that lead to the demise of their marriage. When Nathan arrived in Eureka, Jack was not impressed. He saw him as arrogant and a jackass. Jack clashed with him on a weekly basis, usually because Nathan and his scientists disregarded safety protocols and Jack was the one who had to clean up their messes. 

At the end of his rope, Jack vented to Jo one day. She could only watch as Jack stomped around their office.

“I don’t get it, Jo. It’s like he is trying to kill everyone on purpose! No matter what I say, he fights me at every turn.” 

Jo thought for a moment. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say that he has a thing for you.”

Jo laughed out at the look of shock that enveloped Jack’s face. She hurriedly explained when Jack began to look like he’d faint. 

“I’m just saying, Sheriff. He’s picking with you like a school boy with a crush, trying to get your attention.”

“Be serious, Jo! He can’t stand me. Besides, since when did he start liking guys?” Jack stated eager to dismiss this line of discussion.

Jo shook her head. “Maybe he’s fluid. Just pay attention. Stop reacting and just watch what he does.”

So Jack did.

ooOOoo

Over the next week, Jack paid attention. He noticed Nathan went out of his way to engage him. Jack saw the brief flash of disappointment in Nathan’s eyes when Jack wouldn’t take the bait in an argument. He also saw the gleam of satisfaction when he and Nathan had some of their heated exchanges. Deciding he was over the cat and mouse game he was inadvertently playing, Jack confronted Nathan. To his surprise, Nathan denied nothing. Instead, Jack found himself back against a wall and being thoroughly kissed. 

Their clandestine relationship was a roller coaster ride for Jack. Nathan was attentive and loving then he would do something that would infuriate Jack and in response, Nathan pushed him away. The sexual tension between them was fierce and Jack couldn’t count how many times he found himself bent over Nathan’s desk or in a sweaty aftermath in the middle of the night at Nathan’s house. The stress of keeping the secret and the tumultuous ebb and flow of the relationship began to take its toll on Jack. 

“You need to tell me what’s going on with you. I don’t know if I can keep doing this.”

Nathan showed no reaction to Jack’s statement. “Then stop. No one is forcing you to stay.”

Jack knew the astonishment was all over his face as well as the hurt from the sharp jab of Nathan's words. “What do you mean ‘stop’? Has this been just a game to you?”

“Nothing is ever a game to me, Jack, but I don’t know what else you want from me.” Nathan replied. 

Jack moved from the bed and began collecting his clothes that had been tossed haphazardly all over Nathan’s bedroom. 

“I want to go out to dinner with you. I want to actually sleep with you, no sex, just sleep. I want meet for lunch in the park.” Jack shared as he pulled on his clothes. 

Nathan said nothing as he watched Jack dressed. Instead, a feeling he had long denied began building in his chest. He quickly tamped it down, refusing to give in to the overwhelming emotion.

Fully clothed, Jack turned his attention back to Nathan. “I want others to know about us. I don’t want us to be a secret. I want to shout from the rooftops.”

For once, Nathan was speechless. He was not prepared for the things Jack said and none of his usual defense mechanisms kicked in. For Jack, the silence told a different story.

“Fine, Nathan. You told me to stop. You were right, no one is forcing me to stay. I don’t know what you are afraid of but until you figure it out, leave me alone. I can’t play this game with you anymore.” Jack said as he walked out of the bedroom and out of the house.

It wasn’t until the front door slammed did Nathan move from the bed. He went to the window and watched Jack as he stood by his jeep. For a moment, he thought Jack would come back inside but then Jack shook his head, got in the jeep and drove off. For a moment, Nathan felt the pain of the heartbreak, and then he pushed it deep inside.

_“I don’t need you.” He thought. “I don’t need anyone.”_

ooOOoo

Everyone was quick to notice the changes in both the sheriff and the scientist. Jack seldom set foot in GD unless it was mandatory. Jo answered all calls especially those directly involving Nathan. Jack was professional but distant whenever he had to deal with Nathan, refusing to be baited into any other type of conversation or confrontation. He reverted to his special agent training and was cool and to the point. All of the townspeople were greatly disturbed by this “new” Jack but none more so than Nathan. The cooler and calmer Jack became, the more agitated Nathan became. He became brutal to staff and buried himself in his lab or his office. After another scientist came literally crying to her about their treatment at Nathan’s hand, Allison had had enough.

“Look, Nathan Stark, I don’t know what’s going on with you and at this point, I don’t even expect you to tell me. You have an appointment to see the company shrink in an hour.”

Nathan exploded. “I’m not going to see Dr. Mirren!”

Allison pinned Nathan with a steely glare. “Either you show up in her office in one hour or considered yourself suspended with all Global privileges revoked until you do.” She paused for a moment. “It’s your call.”

Nathan huffed but said nothing. Without a backwards glance, Nathan stormed out of her office. Reaching his office, in a rare loss of control, he practically destroyed his office. An hour later, Nathan was sitting in front of Dr. Mirren. 

“How long is this going to take? I do have important things to do.” Nathan sneered.

Dr. Mirren said nothing for a moment. 

“Dr. Stark, you are here until I say you can leave. I’m sure Dr. Blake shared your options with you.”

Nathan didn’t respond but that didn’t deter Dr. Mirren. She gave a brilliant smile. “Now, let’s get started.”

ooOOoo

After the first session, Nathan surprised himself by returning. After a week, Dr. Mirren finally had something to share with him. 

“I know this might come as a surprise but I think I know what we are working with and what we can do to make it more manageable.”

Nathan kept his face impassive but he was internally excited. “I see.”

Dr. Mirren gave a brief smile. “Based on the information you gave me about your family life and adult relationships, I feel you are suffering from dismissive-avoidant attachment disorder.” Seeing Nathan’s raised eyebrow, she continued. 

“What this means is you tend to avoid emotional relationships because you don’t want to be vulnerable to being hurt by someone you care for. Instead you intentionally push them away and force them to leave so you won’t have to face loss when you least expect.”

Nathan shook his head in disbelief. “I find that hard to believe.”

Dr. Mirren sighed and began to tick off a list. “You are highly independent. You bury your feelings. You tend to be dismissive to the people you care for. Dr. Blake told you she needed more and you let her walk away instead of letting her in. I suspect that is what has happened with you and Sheriff Carter.”

“How…do you know about…Jack?” Nathan stammered out. 

“Don’t worry.” Dr. Mirren replied. “He is not my patient. It’s not hard to see knowing what I know now about you and how you two interact with each other. I can see two people who are hurting badly. You pushed him away. What did he ask of you?”

Nathan leaned back and studied the ceiling. “He wanted us to be open with our relationship. We had been together secretly for about a month and he said he was tired of hiding.”

“Do you have an issue with your sexuality?” Dr. Mirren asked.

“No! It’s just that…” Nathan hesitated. “Admitting we are in a relationship would mean that he means more to me that just someone I was sleeping around with.”

“And you would be vulnerable because you would become attached to him and you were afraid he would leave and hurt you.” Dr. Mirren summarized. 

“Yes.” Nathan whispered. 

Nathan was quiet while Dr. Mirren wrote notes. “Today, I want you to go home, rest and just think about what we’ve been talking about lately. Sometime this week, I want you to talk with either Allison or Jack or both.”

Nathan frowned. “Talk about what?” 

“Allison deserves to understand what happened to your marriage. Jack deserves to know why you pushed him away.” Dr. Mirren said. 

“What does this have to do with anything?” Nathan scowled. 

“Consider it the start of your treatment. Our first step will be getting you to open up more. You can meet with them here in my office. I’ll be present if you like.”

Nathan blew out a deep breath. “Alright. I’ll let you know when.”

ooOOoo

Nathan was surprised to discover that talking to Allison was easier than he thought. Because she was already aware of the relationship with his father, it didn’t take much explanation from Dr. Mirren and Nathan to make her understand how it eventually affected their relationship. She agreed to come to a few more sessions with Nathan to help both of them gain closure. Allison shared that she always assumed that the demise of their marriage was her fault because she thought she wanted too much. For the first time in ages, a measure of peace settled between them. 

Jack was a different story. Dr. Mirren decided to talk to Jack alone first. With Nathan’s permission, she discussed the condition without naming him directly. Jack quickly realized, however, whom the doctor was talking about and walked out of the session. It took days of coaxing to convince him to hear her out. She finally cornered him in the sheriff’s office. 

“Maybe I could have approached this differently but I really wanted to talk to you.”

Jack scowled. “Calling me in to try and explain Nathan’s behavior while pretending I wouldn’t eventually know who you were talking about was wrong. I might not be a genius like you but I’m not stupid.”

Dr. Mirren apologized. “it was my mistake. I wasn’t sure how you would react if I just came out with everything.”

Jack’s face showed his disbelief. “The truth works.”

“Nathan would like to talk to you.” Dr. Mirren said. 

“And he couldn’t come himself?” Jack replied. 

Dr. Mirren could hear the hurt amidst the anger in Jack’s voice. “He feels like it’s time to explain everything to you.”

“Again, he couldn’t come himself?” 

Sighing, Dr. Mirren turned to leave. “Be in my office in an hour. Maybe you’ll get the answers you seek.”

ooOOoo

Jack sat across from Dr. Mirren, trying not to be twitchy and failing miserably. He was nervous and anxious to hear what was going to be said. Walking away from Nathan was one of the hardest things he’d ever done but he felt it was necessary. It had taken him years to come to terms with his sexuality and he assumed Nathan was content hiding his own. Jack made a promise that he wouldn’t some man’s torrid secret and pretend that everything was okay. He had done that in the past and wound up with a broken heart. 

Nathan walked in moments later, stunned to see Jack sitting there. Taking the seat opposite, the two men looked at each other, their first time being in voluntary close proximity.

“I’m glad you both decided to join me.” Dr. Mirren began, ignoring Jack’s snort of contempt. “I’m hoping today will be the beginning of clearing the air between you two. Nathan, you may begin.”

Nathan struggled with his thoughts. “Jack, you told me when I could figure out what I was afraid of, I should let you know. Well,” Nathan sighed, taking a deep breath. “I’m afraid of watching you walk away. I’m afraid of loving you. I’m afraid of caring about you. It was the same way with Allison.”

Jack frowned. “But why? I wouldn’t hurt you.”

Shaking his head, Nathan disagreed. “But you would. I loved my mother and she left. My father made sure to assign me the blame. When somebody finally realized what a drunken sot he had become, I was sent to live with his brother. He was marginally better. Most his attention was focused on making sure my cousin knew how pitiful he was but he made sure to spread some of the love to me that is when he even paid attention to either of us. His top secret projects were always his first priority.” He finished, sneering at the memory.

Jack was blown away. Nathan had been hurt by the loss of his mother and instead of his father offering love, he blamed a child. To add insult to injury, he was sent to live with an uncle who, while wealthy, wasn’t that much better than his brother was. 

“I don’t know what to say.”

Nathan paced the room. “There isn’t anything for you to say. This isn’t a pity party. You just needed to know about my background, at least that’s what the good doctor says.”

Jack glanced at Dr. Mirren, who showed no reaction to Nathan’s jab. “Sheriff…Jack, the reason we are here is for you to leave with a better understanding of how Nathan’s past has affected his present. I’m not saying you should overlook his behavior but we are working on helping Nathan to open up and trust those he is close to.”

The session lasted for well over an hour. Jack felt drained as he and Nathan walked out of the office. Neither man talked as they exited the building. Jack was headed to his jeep when Nathan’s voice stopped him. 

“Would you like to come over for a drink?”

Jack was tempted to say no but the idea of some booze was too strong to deny.

“Sure, as long as it’s the good stuff.”

ooOOoo

Settled next to each other on the couch, at least two drinks had been consumed before they began to talk. The conversation was stilted at first. It was as if they were two strangers on a blind date and struggling to make a connection. Finally, Jack had enough.

“Where do we go from here?”

“I’m not expecting you to just jump back into bed with me.” Nathan replied. “I want a chance to make it right.”

Smirking, Jack stared at Nathan. “You mean like dating? Doing what normal people do? Going out to dinner? Movies? Boring parties thrown by our friends?”

Nathan couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes, all of that.”

Humor leaked from Jack’s face. " I thought you were ashamed of who you were...of us. I thought you didn't want people to know that you were having sex with a man." 

Gently touching Jack's cheek, Nathan sighed. "Never. I've never been ashamed of who I am. I would never be ashamed of you. You are wonderful."

Jack blushed at the kind words. “Are you still going to see Dr. Mirren?”

Nathan nodded. “Yes. I would like you to go with me from time to time, that is, if you don’t mind, of course.”

Jack gave a small smile. “I can do that.” 

Leaning over, Nathan pulled Jack into a light embrace. Jack stiffened for a moment, then relaxed against him. 

“Jack, I want to make this right by you and I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Letting the warm feeling from Nathan’s words flow through him, Jack returned the embrace. “Then I’ll be right here beside you, until you do.”

**Author's Note:**

> People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: "I am comfortable without close emotional relationships.", "It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient", and "I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me." People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with a dismissive–avoidant attachment style tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners).


End file.
